都沒有男朋友!

i like to fill in the blank

so i lead a busy life.

i like to try new things

so i lead a busy life.

i like to have myself occupied

so i lead a busy life.

i plan my day

morning : wake up at 8 and cook breakfast

                at approximately 9 go take a shit

                at approximately 0930 get out of the house

Class time

Afternoon : leave school at 4

                   arrive at the gym at 1640

                  leave gym at 1830

night : pracitce

            3 hours, finish up before 1030

 why plan?

why fill the blank?

why not just be blank?

what is wrong with blank?

 

new schedule

morning : breakfast and shit and get ready ---> cant skip taking shit

afternoon : fucking school and thank you lord i get to practice

night : more commuting to tutors

i cant stop planning

cuz everyday i repeat this stuff. every day i have to keep track of waht i do.

i go to the same place, talk to the same people, see the same faces

 

nothing wrong with planning either. i feel like i'm working on stuf when i plan.

i feel like i make my time worthwile.

and i get to pay for my own shit by working.

 

but i guess its just me being desperate, wanting a surprise or two. i havent been inspired.

im supposed to be having my period by now but it hasnt got here. guess its traffic?

thats where this anxiety comes from.

i miss denton fun actually. pure drinking and messing around fun.

and this dumbness actually brought me friendship and good memories too

 

im still grateful for having my friends. they add up some flavor to my well-planned life.

one time i was on the bus looking out inside at the rain outside

i felt pretty peaceful.

cuz its been smooth for me. i graduate and i go to more school. i finish up here and i move out from here to try to finish more stuff up.

its all about finishing up and beginning things.

life aint easy it aint hard either.

 

i visited grandma every weekend, seeing her get better. its a good feeling.

people get old and they get old fast.

i feel like its even faster getting old than growing up. and you know how fast it is to grow up.

look around you, you see your folks getting more grey hair and wrinkles

i look at my dad from his back i can even see his eyes looking blurry. his face looking saggy. im not kidding

when you're 20 you think about having a big life

when you're 50 you think about having a satisfying life

neither works out

at the end you're okay, and you know you try. you try and this is probably as good as it can be.

 

2 years ago i felt like im ready to challenge this nasty life. i felt like im ready to deal with parents not getting along,

me not getting no boyfriend, me not knowing where my future lays, and stupid issues

and now i feel like, damn it, just come at me bitch.

no one in this world thinks im a kid now. im a grownass girl. i'm a grownass citizen of this country.

 

i dont even know what i really want to say

but i guess what im trying to figure out is just that

at this point of my life, i feel like im grown. i feel like i plan things because i want to work things out. and its good

and im scared of me starting to plan it all out cuz i used to be a kid that wants to chill only.

chill and work hard occasionally.

anyway

im full of shit.

 

Hi my loyal readers

I came back from America like a month ago.

Still waiting to be disappointed, or, hopefully, thrilled, by the audition results.

It's taking forever and meanwhile I wish I would never receive those rejection/acceptance letters.

 

Started working at a French Crepe place from last weekend.

Quite a different experience, tired but interesting.

I can make salad and soup and open wine bottles now. Oh yeah, and light the candles!!!

The boss, the chef and the other waiter are all French.

They're either married or taken, but still very horny in a funny and desperate way. Nice people.

 

School's been a drag as it's always been.

Only by playing more music will help me feel more convinced about paying so damn much per semester.

My students this semester are all smart asses, so I enjoy teaching them and being disrespected.

 

My cousin from san francisco moved to Taipei for work, so all single girls out there, please line up.

My family's been well. Cept for my grandma, as always. But she's getting better from insomia.

My friends' been well. Cept for the fact that the unavoidable doubts of life come along intensely during these days.

 

Went out on Friday night and it was the most boring night-out ever even that I went with my favorite girls.

Came to conclusion that we're just old and maybe a little cynical. I guess these two always come together.

 

The next few months of my life are gonna be a transition to the coming-up major change of me moving to the states.

Doesn't that sound crazy

I dont really know if the change is positive

But I guess at least it wont be something negative since I've always believed that all changes are good.

 

So far so good but all could be better.

Should be content.