我在這裡

永遠可以更努力的努力著

被如海浪一般的壓力推著又急又徐的前進

我嘗試著說服自己這是我需要的過程

我跳進不同的格子裡

不計代價的漸漸發現哪個格子太大        哪個格子太小

就是沒有格子剛剛好

 

人生原來不是格子做的啊

 

我不在乎安全或著安定與否

但是我無法忽視內心的膽小鬼和自大鬼

膽小鬼說

不夠努力才是你失敗的理由啊

自大鬼說

你要走與眾不同的路才對

 

我假裝聽不到

相信我可以過得很快樂不算天真吧

 

so i was supposed to go to a friend's recital and practice last night.

but i procrastinated. i stayed home and did absolutely nothing at all.

the only accomplishment was a shower.

this happens too much. i need to break this stupid habit of letting myself get away with it.

 

here it is again, cycle of insecure decisions. two years ago the decision was easy. "duh" to a master degree, "duh" to NEC.

now im graduating..eithr more school and face this akwardness later, or just freaking face it now....

two years of intense competitiveness, what has the competition made me? has it broken down my confidence? have i become more ambitious?

the answer to those questions stay unknown. as im the most contradictory person. sometimes i feel like im hella good, and u all can kiss y ass.

sometimes i feel like dude i fucking suck balls..but wahtever....most important of all, i like playing the flute, the whistle, the silver tube.

its my friend :D hahha.

 

anyway....so i pretty much leave myself no choice but get it together to find a job, or i can get the hell outta america..

which i dont mind, but will be a shame since i still think i can do something and be kinda successful.

altough ive been feeling this way for a while.

at least my teacher thinks im good and got better.

 

so to whoever thats lacking some positivity and confidence out there, time will prove everything. as long as you're well prepared.

cant see improvement in a month, u see it in a long run. go back to play what u played in college, u'd realize ur more mature.

also life experience helps music. so if u feel like ur the most hopeless person , ur actually accumulating some life and taste to ur music.

 

believe!! just believe!! i believe in me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!