So life after I moved generally got way better. Not having to live with those bitches basically gives me the reason to want to make everything better. So I did, and my music sounds better, practice goes better, my lessons are better, most importantly, I'm actually in a GOOD mood. And I actually feel HAPPY about going home after a long day at school.

         Lately I've been surprising myself with all these happy feelings. Like when I totally understand what the composer wants and when I'm totally confident I'm doing exactly what the composer wants in a piece. Or when I'm happy just to be playing with some people cause I feel this amazing energy that lets the music flows freely. It all sounds pretty impossible and even cheesy but these are the times when I feel really really happy about where I am and what I'm doing. I'm really blessed that NEC accepted me. Not like its a school for prodigy kids or super talented young musicians only or anything, just the fact that everyone's devoted and trying to make things happen. People are trying to make music happen inside them. I'm feeling it. I'm doing it, and I'm liking it. A whole lot.

        So everything else has to go right since my music is going right. I mean, music is the reason I'm here working my fat ass off. So if it's going right, I don't see why anything else wouldn't go right. Just when I'm convinced that I'm about to hit the road of a successful life by realizing my goal, I begin to get all these symptom from my body out of stress. It's always been bothering me how I don't react to stress psychologically but physically up until the last warning my body lets out. So this time it was flu, fever, cold sore and this shitty balding disaster. It's not like middle-aged men balding, it's the kind of balding you get from stress. I have this coin-sized balding area on my head, and well, it's not pretty.

       February is around the corner and that's a whole lot of pressure ahead. Or, let me just get rid of my negative energy by correcting myself. That means a whole lot of excitement. That's right, I'm dealing with 3 auditions and my recital. I'm feeling pretty confident so right now it doesn't look like things will be ugly. I'm having this peaceful and positive vibe towards what's ahead so it's looking good. Ms. Mom's coming this weekend and that feels really surreal. I'm like super super super thrilled about it. My stupid recital is for her!! So yeah, I'm gonna show her where all her money goes, not to the drain, hopefully.

      I'm just really in a positive vibe now. So I wanna keep being positive. That's the reason I'm writing this blog because I want to record my positive energy. Next time I feel screwed up I can come back and be like, dude, look at this, you were pretty fucking happy about your life. Honestly, I seriously felt content about how I was able to make the music I wanted. I felt like I wouldn't have been able to do this if I looked at things I did 6 months ago. Of course this applies to the improvement I made musically, and somehow to the bad experienced I was forced to face. This is a really personal realization that I don't know how to put in words. So if you're reading this, hopefully there is some tiny inspiration. I am not expecting anyone to be inspired, since I only want to remember how fucking awesome I feel now.

我有兩個在德州認識的朋友紛紛結婚訂婚等等
不是沒有朋友訂婚或結婚
只是以前的我並不會感到熱淚盈眶的感動
昨天我卻發自內心的替他們高興
就像玉山花枝細水長流的談著他們的戀愛
讓我感到一陣暖
能找到你願意愛他愛到跟愛自己差不多的程度的人
真是一件令你自己也令你的親朋好友快樂的事情

所以
生命他一直走著
也許我現在還是霧裡看花著
也許有一天霧會散去
留下的是清晰或是比霧還模糊的模糊
都是生命的腳印吧
那還是好好的慢慢的漸漸的
努力的讓自己還有親朋好友們快樂
那就是找到我可以愛很多的人
愛到快跟愛自己一樣多的那種