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親愛的大家

請期待我的歸來

離上次寫網誌已經有一年了吧
媽媽回去了
賴嘎跟黑星來玩
其實是來考試跟做飯給我吃

生活忙碌依舊啊
樂團室內樂音樂會主修等等
右邊肩膀非常疼痛硬練
還好春假有好好休息
跟我的ｇａｙ好友們去了南卡的海邊
又變成黑人

大家知道我是沒有在介意的

回來之後開始忙碌
春假後第一堂長笛課亂吹
馬上覺得對不起爸爸媽媽浪費錢
於是奮發
所以這次的課上的很充實

常常覺得不知道前到底是交去哪
也沒什麼唸書
不像花枝他們整個變成音樂史大師
後來想想
這裡的老師每個都認真到不行
每學期都要吹一百個音樂會
每次的指揮都不一樣
我們這次吹馬勒
給benjamin zander 指
不知道他哪位沒關係因為我原本也不知道
總之他是個馬勒權威就對了
這種大師居然謙卑到一個不行
而且排練的時候居然叫的出大家的名字
我想不愛這首曲子都不行
因為他舉手投足都流露出他對能夠演奏這音樂的感恩
這裡的老師隨口都可以說出音樂家的小故事
而且讓你覺得這些歷史並不是離自己很遠的東西
即使是2nd ob, 3rd tb手上都有總譜
大家都是準備好的

我很難解釋周遭的人對我的影響
因為大家都把練樂團當作一回事
所以它成為重要的事情
不只是學生覺得它重要
指揮也重要

大家在這一天有一半的時間都是跟自己的主修樂器相處
練琴真的要用腦子練要不然跟殘障沒兩樣
就是要從這些拿我們學費當薪水的大師們學習
老派吧
但是真的是這樣
沒有人會規定你要認真要用腦
所以我想我的錢應該是用來買這個環境的吧
把我放在強者中
雖然常常覺得快被沖走常常覺得喘不過氣
但是我寧願喘不過氣也不要每天吹口哨散步就能應付

我真的不知道一個人的極限到底在哪裡
因為我長這麼大還沒有一天我能夠大聲的說
老娘就是已經很努力了你要怎樣
我想大家都是這樣的

真嚴肅
沒辦法
想到我老爸老媽快沒錢了我就無法不繃緊神經

還有各位親愛的朋友
暑假我提供代課服務
希望大家多多利用

掰掰
五月見

         So life after I moved generally got way better. Not having to live with those bitches basically gives me the reason to want to make everything better. So I did, and my music sounds better, practice goes better, my lessons are better, most importantly, I'm actually in a GOOD mood. And I actually feel HAPPY about going home after a long day at school.

         Lately I've been surprising myself with all these happy feelings. Like when I totally understand what the composer wants and when I'm totally confident I'm doing exactly what the composer wants in a piece. Or when I'm happy just to be playing with some people cause I feel this amazing energy that lets the music flows freely. It all sounds pretty impossible and even cheesy but these are the times when I feel really really happy about where I am and what I'm doing. I'm really blessed that NEC accepted me. Not like its a school for prodigy kids or super talented young musicians only or anything, just the fact that everyone's devoted and trying to make things happen. People are trying to make music happen inside them. I'm feeling it. I'm doing it, and I'm liking it. A whole lot.

        So everything else has to go right since my music is going right. I mean, music is the reason I'm here working my fat ass off. So if it's going right, I don't see why anything else wouldn't go right. Just when I'm convinced that I'm about to hit the road of a successful life by realizing my goal, I begin to get all these symptom from my body out of stress. It's always been bothering me how I don't react to stress psychologically but physically up until the last warning my body lets out. So this time it was flu, fever, cold sore and this shitty balding disaster. It's not like middle-aged men balding, it's the kind of balding you get from stress. I have this coin-sized balding area on my head, and well, it's not pretty.

       February is around the corner and that's a whole lot of pressure ahead. Or, let me just get rid of my negative energy by correcting myself. That means a whole lot of excitement. That's right, I'm dealing with 3 auditions and my recital. I'm feeling pretty confident so right now it doesn't look like things will be ugly. I'm having this peaceful and positive vibe towards what's ahead so it's looking good. Ms. Mom's coming this weekend and that feels really surreal. I'm like super super super thrilled about it. My stupid recital is for her!! So yeah, I'm gonna show her where all her money goes, not to the drain, hopefully.

      I'm just really in a positive vibe now. So I wanna keep being positive. That's the reason I'm writing this blog because I want to record my positive energy. Next time I feel screwed up I can come back and be like, dude, look at this, you were pretty fucking happy about your life. Honestly, I seriously felt content about how I was able to make the music I wanted. I felt like I wouldn't have been able to do this if I looked at things I did 6 months ago. Of course this applies to the improvement I made musically, and somehow to the bad experienced I was forced to face. This is a really personal realization that I don't know how to put in words. So if you're reading this, hopefully there is some tiny inspiration. I am not expecting anyone to be inspired, since I only want to remember how fucking awesome I feel now.

我有兩個在德州認識的朋友紛紛結婚訂婚等等
不是沒有朋友訂婚或結婚
只是以前的我並不會感到熱淚盈眶的感動
昨天我卻發自內心的替他們高興
就像玉山花枝細水長流的談著他們的戀愛
讓我感到一陣暖
能找到你願意愛他愛到跟愛自己差不多的程度的人
真是一件令你自己也令你的親朋好友快樂的事情

所以
生命他一直走著
也許我現在還是霧裡看花著
也許有一天霧會散去
留下的是清晰或是比霧還模糊的模糊
都是生命的腳印吧
那還是好好的慢慢的漸漸的
努力的讓自己還有親朋好友們快樂
那就是找到我可以愛很多的人
愛到快跟愛自己一樣多的那種

各位親朋好友

我想念你們之餘也是結交了些許好友
但是我還是愛你們的

陳零張慢外加正楊代表的從小到大隊
許肥黑星玉山催流尾至賴嘎王營詞森元等人代表的東吳隊
蔡麗莎代表的趴體隊
張男西徐節代表的ｐｃ隊
羅康泥代表的ｌｉｖ隊

老娘ｍｓｎ的時間都拿來打工跟趕進度練習了
所以無法時常連絡
但是我時時刻刻惦記大家
常常複習各位的無名

歲末年終大家好好聚會記得想念我
親一個
抱兩個

A homeless person wished me merry christmas today.
一陣酸
but it's all good. happy holiday to all
終於有照片了
孩子們
等很久了嗎哈哈哈
 不要問我是不是變胖